What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger....

Or so the saying goes, but I am really starting to have my doubts on that matter. I am the first to admit that I try my hardest to turn every negative or painful experience into a positive uplifting one and if you ask most of my friends they would tell you that I do a wonderful job at doing so. I think that attitude that is so precious to me is starting to fade, though not by choice. All I can feel is a lack of positivity floating above my head lately and I don't know why. Maybe it is simply the fact that I do not feel completely whole like something is missing in my life. I try not to over analyze it and I try to push it into a distant thought, but it is really starting to catch up to me. Something is definately missing in my life and I know exactly what it is, but I really don't think it is important enough to dwell on and I know it will come in time exactly when it is meant too. My only issue is well I do not like to wait, in fact I am down right horrible at it and I seem to expect things to happen instantly when I know that they won't. I am tired of feeling like I have to hide all my feelings too and when I do finally open up to people I really feel like I have inconvenienced them and that I ruin the relationship I had with them so once again I bottle up everything I feel and wait for someone that I can talk to where I don't feel so horrible about it in the end. I know I probably shouldnt have these feelings, but I do. Life is certainly not fair and it has a lot of wonderful things to offer and I have experienced many of them, but I am about ready to have something real. I don't know if that will ever come and I do not want to sit here and dwell on it, because it won't make it happen any faster. Don't get me wrong I am an extremely happy person and I am thankful for everyone, everything, and all that has happened in my life thus far :) I am well to be honest just lonely :( Its stupid really to feel this way, because I am young and have my whole life ahead of me and I should enjoy the time I have to myself and really learn about myself, but I can't help but want someone to share it with I believe that is only natural to feel that way. So with that being said I think I am done trying to force things together, I suck at it to be honest lol...I can't make people understand me or what I am going through and I am tired of trying to fit perfectly in everyone's mold. I am who I am, take it or leave it, like it or hate it, I can not be something I am not. I am just simple ole me and I am perfectly content with who I am I just wish someone else would be too but until then Ill keep trucking along, put one foot in front of the other and not sweat it so much. Who knew blogging could put ones mind at ease about things :) I feel much better, but yeah I still have that longing..one day it will happen one day :)