Never be so full of longing that you forget what you already have....

It is often said that a good nights rest will clear ones mind of anything that has been troubling them or at least it will lead to a solution. That has never been more true for me then it was after last night. For a moment I had forgotten how truly blessed I am and how my longing is nothing more than a count down clock to something or more honestly someone who is meant to be in my life. After over thinking the issue and yes feeling sorry for myself I realized that this is the time in my life when I am free to do whatever it is I want and to fully explore all avenues of life that I would like to follow. This is not the time where I need to be settled down with a family or any of those things. I am not saying that my friends that are settled down and that do have families has rushed into it and that they are wrong, because for them it is right, but honestly for me I know that it would not be the wisest decision. I wouldn't label myself as selfish, but I do want a lot of things out of my life and I want to do so much that if I were tied down it would make it so much harder. If it happens then it does, but looking for it is not the right answer. We are not suppose to spend countless hours searching for "the one" it is just suppose to happen when it happens and I really truly believe that. I think I believe that mostly because I have done the looking thing and you know what? It really does not work out the way you think it will half of the time. One should never force feelings if they have them for another and if those feelings come naturally then they probably shouldnt blurt them out the first chance they get. Mystery is the key to holding anothers attention and when you show all your cards to them in the first few days well then you have lost the mystery, then it is no longer exciting to talk to them or do things with them, because you already know everything about them. It is okay to open up and show them who you are on the inside, but it is not okay to expect them to understand and quite frankly if you are honest with yourself they are going to judge you. Maybe not a lot, but a part of them will judge you and it may or may not ruin what you already had. This of course may not ring true with every individual out there, but again this is my blog so of course it is my opinion ;). With that being said I am content with how my life is going and who is part of it. I am no longer looking for "the one" and to be completely honest if I have to wait a lifetime for that person to enter my life then so be it. I do not want to settle for anything less than what I truly deserve and I would rather be alone (in a romantic sense, not a friendship sense) then waste my time with someone who does not complete me in the way I should be completed. So yes I am happy and satisfied with the way my life is going. I have a wonderful family, great friends, amazing job, my health, my faith, and so many other things so when I really sit down and think about it I have everything I need as a 22 year old woman :) I am successful and those in my life are proud of me so what more could I possibly ask for? That was a rhetorical question by the way ;) Yes, I am a smarty pants and I love that about myself.

With that being said I hope everyone has a blessed day, but it is time for me to get ready to go out and hang out with some pretty great people :) Until my next blog....never forget about the positive things in your life, because once those are gone then you will truly know that you were lucky to have what you had and you should not have complained about what you did not have...everything comes with time so just roll with it and it will happen when its meant too :)

What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger....

Or so the saying goes, but I am really starting to have my doubts on that matter. I am the first to admit that I try my hardest to turn every negative or painful experience into a positive uplifting one and if you ask most of my friends they would tell you that I do a wonderful job at doing so. I think that attitude that is so precious to me is starting to fade, though not by choice. All I can feel is a lack of positivity floating above my head lately and I don't know why. Maybe it is simply the fact that I do not feel completely whole like something is missing in my life. I try not to over analyze it and I try to push it into a distant thought, but it is really starting to catch up to me. Something is definately missing in my life and I know exactly what it is, but I really don't think it is important enough to dwell on and I know it will come in time exactly when it is meant too. My only issue is well I do not like to wait, in fact I am down right horrible at it and I seem to expect things to happen instantly when I know that they won't. I am tired of feeling like I have to hide all my feelings too and when I do finally open up to people I really feel like I have inconvenienced them and that I ruin the relationship I had with them so once again I bottle up everything I feel and wait for someone that I can talk to where I don't feel so horrible about it in the end. I know I probably shouldnt have these feelings, but I do. Life is certainly not fair and it has a lot of wonderful things to offer and I have experienced many of them, but I am about ready to have something real. I don't know if that will ever come and I do not want to sit here and dwell on it, because it won't make it happen any faster. Don't get me wrong I am an extremely happy person and I am thankful for everyone, everything, and all that has happened in my life thus far :) I am well to be honest just lonely :( Its stupid really to feel this way, because I am young and have my whole life ahead of me and I should enjoy the time I have to myself and really learn about myself, but I can't help but want someone to share it with I believe that is only natural to feel that way. So with that being said I think I am done trying to force things together, I suck at it to be honest lol...I can't make people understand me or what I am going through and I am tired of trying to fit perfectly in everyone's mold. I am who I am, take it or leave it, like it or hate it, I can not be something I am not. I am just simple ole me and I am perfectly content with who I am I just wish someone else would be too but until then Ill keep trucking along, put one foot in front of the other and not sweat it so much. Who knew blogging could put ones mind at ease about things :) I feel much better, but yeah I still have that longing..one day it will happen one day :)

So it begins....

I am officially a blogger :) I am using this as a tool to write about my life, adventures, experiences, happiness, sadness, and everything in between, because it is what makes me who I am! I am not going to promise that my blogs are always going to make sense, because I am not going to edit my feelings or how I pour them out onto this document. This is me and what I feel and I am okay with that and you should be too! With that being said, Welcome to my Life :)